When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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