I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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