I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
