Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize