So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
