my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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