I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Pants are for mortals
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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