Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
