I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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