Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
