So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
