Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
