she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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