the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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