I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
