They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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