my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
