I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
