I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
