My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
