Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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