Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
