I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
