Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
