I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
