At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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