She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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