It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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