Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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