mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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