He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
