Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
