i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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