No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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