Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
