i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
