call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
