he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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