i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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