I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
