Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
