so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
