Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
