what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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