I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
