There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
