The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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