Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
