In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
