I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
