It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
