People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
