he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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