Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
