You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize