I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
