A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize