He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
