We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't tell me you're on acid again
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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