Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
