garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am naked and annoyed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
