Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
