Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
