How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize